Hit them between the eyes
by the-penguin-otaku
Summary: There is a voice in America's head telling him to take over the planet. America wants nothing of it. But what happens when a certain vodka-drinking country decides to strike an alliance with him?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N~ 'sup, random people on the web! For those of you who know me, congrats! You won nothing! **

**Anyway, I'm the~penguin~otaku, author of exactly two stories, and I am in love with Russia. And penguins. Like my name suggests. **

**Updating will totally be slow, because I have a gazillion projects, no planning skills, a high tendency to get writer's block, so much homework that it hurts, and I have to deal with the problem a boy at my school died recently (as in, a few days ago). Oh, and all the emotional happiness/stress/issues going on in my life. Yeah. Did I mention the writer's block? That's why I haven't worked on Let's all eat at McDonald's! since forever. For those of you who have read it, Russia sends you a virtual sunflower! (By the way, if you have any ideas for that, message me. Now.)**

**This…. may as well be random. Came from a chat/roleplay thing my friends and I did and…. yeah, at least this isn't smut. I tried writing smut once, and it failed. Badly. My smut is really bad. Its almost as bad as Mary-sues in Death Note fanfiction. For those of you who haven't read any of those; they oftentimes suck ass. No offense if you happened to have written one,**

**Looking back at this chapter, I'm actually surprised I'm going to try a horror fic. This story is so different from LAEaMcD (my abbreviation for it) that I'm surprised I even thought of this.**

**My first chapters always suck.**

**I know, I know, you want to read the goddamn story, dontcha? Well, too bad, because this chapter is just an introduction. The next few chapters are gonna kill me.**

**Moving on….**

Russia stared out the window. Soft white snowflakes were falling to the ground. Like usual. He wanted change from his life. He wanted warmth.

He wanted more land.

A small grin crept across his face. An evil grin. A Russian grin.

Years of war have taught him one thing. You had to get what you want.

Then again, years of war also made him mentally unstable.

No matter.

He thought back to the Soviet Union. How he conquered all those countries...he had it all. Why the hell did it fall?

"Belarus, I'm going to go take over Kazahkstan."

"Have fun with that, big brother."

As he started out the door, another Cold War memory hit him.

That capitalist pig who kept trying to beat the crap out of him.

Yeah. With him in the way, all he'd accomplish was getting bombed. Or worse, nuked. He had enough of that game. He thought the Cold War was a waste of time.

WHAT RUSSIA THINKS OF NUCLEAR WAR:

Russia + nukes-pointed towards other countries= good

Russia + nukes pointed at _him_= BAD.

Russia sighed. Damned American.

He would have to think this over.

"Belarus, never mind, I'm going out for a drink."

"Have fun with that, big brother."

"SHUT UP!" Alfred screamed at no one in particular. Ever since that damned communist started scaring the shit out of him back in the 1940's, he's been hearing a voice in the back of his head. _Kill them all. Kill them. _It was at first ignorable, but now it was like shouting into his mind.

What the crap was wrong with him?

He wanted to follow the voice. But at the same time, he wanted it to stop. Some days he would be his happy, burger-eating self, others he'd lock himself in his room and break breakable objects. He was just happy the maid hadn't found the long marks of black paint splattered across the walls of his closet, among the other signs of his anger.

Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn…

_You could just take over them. You're a superpower, why can't you do it? Think of all the things they've done to you-_

" I said SHUT THE HELL UP!" America flung out his arms and knocked over a lamp.

"Hey, America, what the bloody hell is going on in there?" England said, walking in.

England didn't know about the voice. No one knew.

_Murder him. You saw how he treated you back in the revolution. You could totally pwn him, and all of the other nations. You could-_

"SHUT UP AL-" oh, right, England was here. "Oh, uh, sorry. I, uh…tripped. And broke this lamp here."

England just stared. "Okay then…" He backed out of the room, America was sure that he heard him call him a wanker.

_America… you know…._

"Shut the hell up already."

_But think of all the things that-_

Dammit, he needed a beer.

**Yeah...basically, America is crazy. Woot. I like mentally unstable characters- hence the reasons I am a 100% Russia fangirl.**

**The beginning sucked, but I needed a reason for the two to meet. And I'm too lazy to make them meet at a G8 meeting. That, plus I want them to be dead-drunk. Because dead-drunk lets lots of fun things happen. Also, I am not planning on heavy yaoi. Mainly because my friends would kill me (seeing they're both male) if they saw this was a romance. **

**To my two friends, America and England: yeah…this takes a really different turn from what we were doing….**

**Note: Kazahkstan is a country in the Central Asian Republic. It was once in the Soviet Union (I think). Belarus sounds really OOC right now….meh, she'll get better by chapter 5. Hopefully.**

**Please R and R! Do so and win a free bottle of vodka! An empty one, though, because Russia has already drank it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N~ 'sup, its Penguin Girl.**

**First off: I. DON'T. FREAKING. OWN. HETALIA! Why can't they see that?**

**If I owned it, Prussia would still be a nation and probably half of the rest of Asia would be characters. Yeah, I have enough OC's like that to make your ears rot.**

**Second: This story helps me pent my anger.**

**Well. To make up for all the blabbering I did last chapter, I'm just going to shut up and let Russia-san start the plot. **

Vodka! Vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka vodka~!

I love vodka. It's soothing to the soul. It makes me forget about the fact the Soviet Union fell…. Shit. Now I'm depressed again.

"Goddammit…"

Huh? I turned around. Oh, it was America. Acting like a teenage girl who just got dumped. "America, what is wrong?"

He slammed his head on the table. "Shut up…."

Okay then. Da, he was depressed. "Alfred, are you okay?"

He jumped up, as if he just noticed me. "Russia?" he began. "Why the hell are you here?"

I shrugged. "Want some vodka?" After all, vodka helped me through my problems.

He muttered something about shutting up for one minute. "Whatever, man." He grabbed the bottle (how rude!) and started chugging it down. He let out a loud 'ah.'

Told you so. Vodka is wonderful.

And so I drank alongside America.

2.5 HOURS LATER….

"…" America hiccupped/slurred while falling off a chair.

О мой Бог, America was drunk off vodka. He was never drunk off vodka. Ever. Russia ran through all the various substances the nation usually drank before he got wasted.

Beer, moonshine, beer, whiskey, beer, bourbon, beer, tequila, beer…nyet, no vodka. And he had known the country since he was born.

On the other hand, Russia had twice as much and probably could drive a car without killing someone.

Russia was amazing like that.

"So…Russia," he began. "How did it feel to be like uber-powerful and stuff? You know, like back in the Soviet days."

"What?" Russia replied. "Uh…it was-"

"'Cause I was thinking about beating the crap out of the rest of the world and trying that for myself. You know, to like, get revenge on England and crap."

"Really?" Russia smiled. He could totally use this to his advantage. "Well then…how about an alliance?"

America hiccupped. "What're you talking 'bout, commie?"

_Note to self: don't ever let America near my stash of vodka, for the sake of the world._

"We invade a lot of countries, and you won't bomb me and I won't bomb you."

America smiled a half-wasted grin. "Eh, whatevs. At least that's one less country to worry about killing me."

"Great," Russia said. Might as well take advantage of drunken America while he can.

"And so, like, then I saw England and…" Promptly, America got knocked out.

THE NEXT MORNING…

Urgh…what the hell happened? I felt dizzy and sick.

_Well, you got drunk, complained about England-_

"Holy crap, did I say anything about…you know…"

_Not really. You passed out just before you got to the plot twist._

"Thank God…." Right then, the phone began to ring. I picked the phone up.

"What the fuck do you want?" It was fucking England.

_Oh, yeah, didn't you use to be-_

"Shut up, now. Anyway, err, England, what the hell's your problem?"

"Just wanted to say there's an emergency meeting today in three hours at my place."

What the fuck? "Dude…there is no fucking way I'm going to get on a plane for a stupid old meeting."

"But, America," England's voice sounded tense. "There may be another war."

I bolted up. "Yousaywhatnow? Who? Where? Why? Will I have to help you?" I really didn't want to help him. He always needs my help.

_Um, about the war thingy…._

What is it now?

"Its Russia. He just invaded Turkey." England seemed like he was really stressing out.

"What the hell? You're calling me about something Russia did? He always-"

"No, Alfred," England said. "We think he's trying to rebuild the USSR."

"THAT DAMNED COMMUNIST! WHERE THE HELL DID I PUT THE BUTTON FOR MY NUKES? I SWEAR THAT-"

"America ,shut up!" England yelled at me. Bastard. "We don't know yet if that's true. Right now we're just going to discuss about it."

"Oh. Okay. So, like, 9 o' clock, right?"

"Yeah."

"Bye."

Of course the damned communist would do something like that! I swore, when I get my hands on that bastard, he's gonna-

_Hello? Are you listening?_

Oh. Voice. "'Sup?"

_Well, um, about Russia…_

"What about him? God, this better be good, 'cause I don't want to waste my time talking to a figment of my imagination."

_You…can't help Britain fight against him._

"Psh. Why not? And since when do you have any control over who I fight with?"

_Actually…it's you. You made an alliance with Russia_

Holy. Fucking. Crap. "WHEN THE FUCK DID I DO THAT?"

_When you were drunk. Last night. You totally asked him if you could blow up the entire world._

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE ME SAY?"

_Nothing. I actually stayed quiet I was originally going to advise you to kill Ivan, but when you brought up world domination… However, I am surprised that you had the guts to ask. Finally, some sense was knocked into you._

"Holy shit, I am so calling Russia, and if I find out you're toying with me, I will find a way to surgically remove you from my body." Dammit, why the hell did he get stuck with that frigging voice? It couldn't of been just the Cold War…Well, maybe it was an aftereffect of that… no, I shouldn't think of such things. I searched for Russia's number in my cell. Ah, there it is. I dialed it.

"… Alfred? Is that you? Well, who would have guessed-"

"Hey…are we in an alliance?" I said, scared for the answer.

"Huh? Of course, America. Don't you remember?"

Fuck.

I started banging my head against the table. "Shit…"

_Told you so._

Shut the fuck up…

"America," Russia's sinister voice said. Well , it sounded innocent and naïve, but I knew he was being all creepy and stuff on the other line. "Is this about you wanting to arrange a meeting about how we conquer the nations?"

I jumped. "What? No! Why are we in an alliance anyway? Its so stupid."

_But, America, think: you can get revenge on England and Japan and all of the other nations. You could show England what its like to be a colony, you should-_

Stop preaching up my ass. "Yeah…uh, I think we need to talk in person, just to get our stories straight and crap."

"Okay then, America."

I hung up the phone. Damned communist…

_You know, he could help you. With someone as strong as him on your side, it should be easy to beat the holy hell out of Britain and the others._

Screw this world. Screw Russia. Screw England and Japan.

Screw alcohol.

**This has got to be the longest chapter I have ever written for anything. * Checks word count* 1,557-ish? That's about as long as the first 4 chapters of Let's All Eat at McDonalds… **

**I love Voice. I just do. Personal opinion. **

**For those of you who care, there is a backstory to how America got the voice, why America hates England, what happened that he doesn't want to talk about, and how they all fit together. However, I do not know how to put it in the story without disrupting the flow of the story.**

**Please R&R!**

**(Done while listening to "Get out Alive" by Three Days Grace…wait, how is that relevant? I see a lot of people on both here and dA alike that say what music they listen to while working. It helps no one. Although I highly enjoy that song and believe it suits this story. I'm just gonna shut up now.)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N~ sup. It's me, Penguin. And I'm here with chapter three.**

**Nothing that I really want to say. Except I have some shout-outs to random people who have commented on this story:**

**The Fujoshi- keep laughing your ass off.**

**Blackbleedingroses539- I love your idea, yet I don't have enough willpower to create an entire new story. Plus, then I'd have to tell everyone here about it, and…no, too much work. I'll just explain it later on when the mood hits me.**

**Beyond-the-Winter- thank you. These chapters are actually pretty long for me. I like making them short for various reasons, and this is actually pretty long for my writing habits.**

**Bluebird99- I know I told you about this, but I know. My computer is a bitch right now. I will probably fix those by the time you read this sentence.  
**

**Soggypotatoes- why, yes, yes he is.**

**Near-kun28- HI AMERIKA! (We're best buds in real life.) You still haven't gotten me a present for my birthday that was 3 years, 4 months, 21 days, and 1 hour ago. And now you can't deny it, 'cause the world knows it.**

**and in case you haven't figured it out by now, my strength is _dialogue._ I am perfecting my action-writing abilities so they will be mediocre at the least by the time well, action actually happens. So for now, more talking, less doing. Which is okay since really they're not doing anything yet.**

**Oh and, for those of you who noticed, I changed the genre of this story. It is now horror/humor (what an odd combination), mainly because I just realized I made Voice much more likable than I first thought he should be. WAAAAAAY more likable.  
**

**So, one last thing- I don't own Russia, America, Hetalia, Those people who wrote that song, or anything else that the world can sue me against. Oh, before I forget to mention it later at the end of this chapter, a settee is a type of chair. Just saying.  
**

So, here I was, standing at the airport waiting for a plane to Moscow. Why? Chapter 2 explains it much more. The short is, my Voice somehow got me to make an alliance with Russia, aka the commie bastard.

_I did nothing of the sort._

Shut up.

_You shut up. If you just listened to me for once and stopped talking, maybe the world would finally be under your control and you can avenge the heartbreak that J-_

"DUDE, IM THE ONE WHO'S SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING! YOU'RE JUST AN UNINVITED GUEST!" I watched as an entire crowd of people started walking away from me. Make that running away from me. Whatevs.

Right about then my phone rang. Guess who? England.

"America, you do know the meeting is in half an hour. You should be in the London airport by now."  
Uh...how should I tell him that I'm meeting with his enemy?

_That's easy. Ask him to come over to your house, explain the situation, then let me come out and kill him.  
_  
"Why the hell would I do that? Not you England, there's this annoying guy who's been trying to strike up a conversation with me.

_You don't mean me, right?  
_  
I wish you could flip off a figment of your imagination.

"Anyway, something more important has come up. Can't make it."  
I heard him sigh. "Of course."  
I turned on my IPod and started looking for some tunes to kill time.

"It's the end of the world as we know it..."

_Hey, Alfred, don't change it, I like this song.  
_  
"No, it's my iPod, my rules. Go...do whatever you do when you don't try to be a pain in the ass." I switched it to the Rolling Stones.

_But Alfred...  
_  
"No."

_Hey, about Russia...  
_  
"NO."

_Suit yourself.  
_  
And that was pretty much how the entire flight went. Within the next thirty minutes (in which I was bitching to my voice on how he's a bastard for getting me into this) every seat within six rows of me was empty.

Approximately 3 hours later...

Let's see, was everything prepared for Amerika's arrival? Belarus gone... (Thank God) all things he could use to murder me were hidden...Turkey was locked in a closet...

At that moment there was a loud knock on the door.

"Ah, Amerika! How nice to see you!" That sounded nice enough, da? We haven't been on good terms ever since the Cold War, but since we're in an alliance...  
"Why is Russia so fucking cold?" He sounded bitter.  
"Anyways, how about you come inside?" He pushed past me, but it was probably just because he was cold. I sat on one of the velvet settees, while Alfred just stood. He looked like someone had been nagging to him the entire way to Moscow.  
"Was the flight well?"  
He groaned. "Anything from it."  
"Want some vodka?"  
"Not after last night."  
Oh, well. "So, let's get down to business. First, I was thinking of invading Mongolia, then seeing if China wanted to help, and if not-"  
"Russia." America's voice was tense. "We're not in an alliance."  
"Huh? But, Amerika, you said that-"  
Alfred closed his eyes and mumbled something along the lines of 'shut up or I will kick you out of my mind.'  
"It was all a misunderstanding." he explained. "I was drunk. Things happen when you're drunk. And-"  
"BIG BROTHER! OPEN THE DOOR!" came a shrieking voice that was followed by many orders for me to become one, clawing at my door, and continuous pulls at the-thankfully locked- doorknob.  
Oh, shit. I thought Ukraine-san was looking after her! The one time I begged my sister to do something and...  
"Amerika. Run. Now."  
He stared at me. "Why?" he asked.  
"Just do it before she lunges at you with a knife."  
He ran. Just before the hinges gave way. Out popped the scariest sister a country could ask for.

"Now, Belarus, that's the third time in two weeks you broke my door." I tried to keep myself from looking terrified. She leaned in closer.  
"But, big brother, we are meant to become one!" her arms wrapped around my waist. "Big brother, I love you so much..."

Meanwhile while Russia is being scared shitless...

Dammit, who has a house this large?  
_It is a nice house though. Except it needs to be dusted. I have allergies, you know.  
_"That's not possible, idiot. Now, where the hell should I go?"  
_I say we try to find where he placed all of his weapons that he probably hid for your arrival.  
_"No." I turned into a small conference room. Inside there was just a small table and a really big map of the world. The America on the map was covered in tiny holes from pins and other stabby things. Must have been used during the cold war.  
Almost subconsciously, I grabbed a push pin lying on the table and stabbed it into the heart of England (on the map- Arthur was nowhere in sight). Then, I took it out and stabbed it back in. Stab. Stab. Stab. Drop dead, England. One day you will die. Stab. Stab-  
" I see you are having fun chucking pins at England, da?"  
I turned around and saw a frazzled Russia. His hair was unkempt, and it seemed as if he was shaking in his boots. "When the hell did you get here?"  
_He must be like a ninja. A Russian ninja.  
_"Actually," he quivered "I just ran away from Belarus. I am very sorry she interrupted our conversation."  
"What, did she rape you or anything?"  
He stared downwards. "Da."  
I stifled a laugh.  
_Schadenfreude.  
_"Whatever. It doesn't matter when the misfortune is for a communist bastard."  
"Amerika, you know very well that I am no longer communist."  
OH SHIT, I SAID THAT OUT LOUD!  
_Yup._  
I hate you.  
_Used to it._

"So, anyways, Russia, who else is on your side in this battle for world domination?"  
"Oh, just the Baltics- although I practically forced them into it- and Belarus. And if you count Turkey since I conquered him, then him too."  
I immediately began weighing the pros and cons of siding with him.

PRO: I can kill England.  
CON: have the commie to deal with  
PRO: he can't sick Belarus on me  
CON: me and her will probably be in close contact.  
PRO: well, nuclear war between me and Russia won't happen  
CON: yet.  
_PRO: you could kill everyone and rule the world.  
_  
Voice, I'm not sure that should be counted as a pro.

_I have a name you know. It's-  
_  
Don't care. "Okay, Russia, we're still in an alliance, but only because I hate England and don't want to get killed by Belarus."  
He flashed one of his creepy commie smiles. "Then that makes two of us, da."

**The scene where America is continuously jabbing pins at the England on the map was going to be this really long scene with him sticking pins in practically every country, and Voice trying to explain to him that America really does want to help Russia, but then I got bored with it. Now my one problem will be figuring out how he's gonna break the news to England and co. I don't think it'll be as easy as "Hey, England, guess what- I still hate your guts and decided to help Russia take over the planet! So, are we still going to see that movie?" No, America, that's not gonna work.  
Before someone comments asking what Voice's name is, I don't know. I want it to be something like America or Alfred or the likes backwards (Acirema? No. Derfla? No. Asu [USA] ? No.) But nothing is really working out. Next I'm going to resort to anagrams.**

**Anyways, hasta la pasta!**


	4. Chapter 3 and a half

**Ah, I'm sorry for the long wait. I had way too many projects at school to work on, but now that summer is here...  
**

**Ok...I hate my computer/iPad. So, I was writing a chapter for hit them between the eyes, and just when I was finished... It. Freaking. Deleted. It. Shit. M'kay, but I've tried rewriting it, so here it is...**

MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF EUROPE...

England POV (Because I am going to start mentioning POV, since there will be a hell of a lot more later.)

Bloody hell, America couldn't come. which means we were short a member. I stared at the pandemonium in front of me.

Japan was on his phone, and by the grin on his face, either he was watching hentai or texting Hungary about some yaoi doujinshi she ordered.

Italy was being loud and obnoxious, while Germany looked like he was about to blow it.

France was...um, being France. That covers everything he's doing.

China was reading a book, looking to be the only sane one here.

Poland was talking to Lithuania about ponies on his phone.

America-wait, Ameri- oh, that's Canada- well, he was getting sat on by China.

Thank God America wasn't here.

I cleared my throat, and began to speak. "So, we are all here to talk about Russia and what the bloody hell he's doing."

"Like, actually, I totally came here for the free food," interrupted Poland.

"Whatever. Anyways, what do you think he's doing, and what should we do about it?"

And here comes the talking:

"PASTAAAAAAA~"

"Well, he is obviously going to sexually force China into becoming one with him~"

"What-aru?"

"Hai. According to Fanfiction(dot)net, he is going to pin China-san to a wall and give him anal until he agrees."

"What the hell do you look up online, aru?"

"Japan, it seems that we are thinking the same thing, oui! "

"...Probably not."

"Guys-"

"PASTAA-"

"SHUT UP!"

"Where is America, anyway?"

"He said he was going to-"

"England, that is obviously code for 'me and Japan are going to have sex instead of coming to-"

"I'M RIGHT HERE! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?"

"Fine. Then he is with Canada."

"But, France, I'm-"

"Or for all we know, he is over at Russia's as we-"

"AMERICA WOULDN'T DO THAT!" Two people screamed that. Me and Japan. Our eyes locked as we painfully remembered that day.

"America isn't as big of a git to do that," I replied.

Japan quickly responded, "Even if he does hate England for...being England, he wouldn't be as spiteful to team up with Russia, because he hates him." France just blankly stared at us.

"What?" I said.

"What are you two talking about?"

"You said...America teaming up with..."

"Did I say that? No, I was talking about them 'getting it on,' if you know what I mean." That gave him two simultaneous hits to the head.

The wanker.


	5. Chapter 4

**Whats up, random people who I probably don't know! It's chapter 5 now, isn't it? HERE IS WHERE PLOT SHALL ADVANCE!Hmm...I need to think about who will be invaded next. Suggestions are always welcome. Not England or Japan. I need them alive for now.**  
** Heh...its been a few months, da? *embarrassed* okay, I have my reasons. I would have uploaded earlier, but I was out of town.**

"America."

"America!"

_Dude, boss-guy is calling for ya._

"Go away..." I half mumbled, half snored. All I really wanted to do was to sink down onto the bed and be like...like...like...whatever my brother's name is. Yeah. Invisible. With England being a piece of shit, Russia being a commie bastard, and Voice over here being Voice-

_Hey!_

- I just wanted to scream. but heroes don't scream. Unless it was a scream of victory.

"America, are you going to wake up or not?"

Mr. Boss was being a bossy bitch today, eh? "What the hell do you want?"

_Hey, have you ever assassinated a president?_

No, but I would like to try assassinating a figment of ones own imagination. It sounds like fun.

_You don't mean me, right?_

...

Anyways, boss man threw a bunch of papers and crap onto my bed, in which I was trying to get some sleep on. He cleared his throat.  
"Well, the government was wondering if we should put guards around Alaska, in case Russia tries to invade-"

Meh. It's not like I care anymore. "He won't invade America. He wouldn't do something like that against the hero." I waved my hand at them carelessly. Well, more like flopped it at them. hey, I was half asleep. He and his companion gave me strange looks. Then, they turned and left. On normal circumstances, Russia would be overjoyed to have successfully conquered USA. Then again, this isn't a normal circumstance.

_Obviously._  
_ England's gonna be miffed when he finds out, you know._

"Eh, he deserves it. The drunk bastard."

Right about then, my cell started ringing. guess what? For once it wasn't England preaching up my arse. Sadly, however, the call was from Russia. Which was almost as bad as England.

"Hello, Amerika. How's things going?"  
"Suckish." And it's all your-and Voice's- fault.  
_Jackass._  
"Oh. hey, can you do me a favor?"  
"No." What, did he actually think I would do stuff for him?  
"But you have to. Alliance, remember?" You could hear the smart-ass-ness in his voice.  
I sighed. "Then what was the point of asking?"  
"You'd say no either way."  
_He's got a point there, though, bighead._  
Shut up. "Fine...what do you want?"  
"Invade Canada."  
I scratched my head. "Who?"  
"The country who is on top of America geographically."  
Oh. That guy. "Why me?"  
"Alaska's in the way. And I don't want any of my planes shot down on accident. Plus no one would expect me invading Canada before China. Oh, and your closer. I've been doing all the work. Turkey and the Baltics ... Kazahkstan...da, she was simply delighted to come along with me. You know she still holds repercussions from the Cold War, da? When I dragged her to my place, she literally screamed bloody murder..."

_Do you even know how to invade a country?_  
Of course I do.  
_Well, you never act like you do. Your such a wuss when it comes to violence. want me to help?_  
"NO."  
"But Amerika..."  
"What? oh, I didn't mean to you. I'm multitasking."  
"Well then, you invade Canada, da?"  
"Will you hang up if I do so?" he was starting to get annoying.  
"Probably."  
"Sure."  
Click.

LATER...

Canada's house was nice. Not as modern and heroic as mine, but pretty. Maple trees over there, lilies over here,etc.  
"Hey, Canada, open the door." With a gun hidden in my jacket, I was going to see if he would happily go along with this before I had to hurt him.

_Why would he? How often do you agree to be tied up and thrown into a closet?_

Voice, he's Canada. I figured it'd be a lot better if I didn't barge in all "RAWR!YOUR COMING WITH ME!HEIL HITLER!" like Germany back in WW2.  
_Wonderful impression of Nazi!Germany, Alfred._  
Thanks. I've been working on that one. Do you want to hear my Commie Russia impersonation?  
_You kept showing me that one back in the Cold War._  
You know, in Soviet Russia...  
_Shut up._  
"Ah! America! You actually came to my house for once!" Canada was smiling. brothers. they make me feel so warm and fuzzy.  
_Pfft._  
Stop laughing. Back to Canada.  
"For once? I always come over!" I high-fived him.  
"No you don't. You haven't visited in counting your five-year period of isolation from the world, where u came over to make sure you weren't dead."  
Well, that was blunt.

Canada began hopping up and down eagerly. "So, what should we do, eh? we could play hockey, or watch a movie, and I could make pancakes!"  
Oh dear god, he was like a little kid.  
I tried 's hard to do when you know you have to kidnap your brother. "Your pancakes are great, Mattie."  
He turned and looked at me. "Are you ok, Alfred? You look kind of pale."  
What? "No, not really." hey, it was true. Haven't really been feeling well since a certain FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION started sharing space with my mind.  
_You do know I heard that, right?_  
"You deserve to hear that."  
"What was that?"  
CRAP I SPOKE OUT LOUD AGAIN!  
_You'd think that in the 30+ years we've been together you would learn not to do that._  
Ergh. I smiled at Matthew. "Nothing, I was thinking of something someone told me." That sounded plausible, right?  
_Eh. Hey, when are we gonna take him?_  
Shut up.  
_If you want, I can help._  
"NO!" I yelled at Voice. Except I said that out loud. To Mattie.  
shit.  
_30+ years..._  
"Look," I said, staring down at the floor. "Really, all I came here for was because Russia wants me to invade you."  
He stared at me in horror. "R-Russia...then.."  
"Pretty much. Long story, I'll explain it later. So, since I don't want any violence, if you could just hop in the car-"  
Canada had scooted closer to the phone.  
"Canada, your not going to call England...right?" he can't.  
_Of course he can, dumbass._  
England would-  
He picked up the phone and started dialing. The thing is, I knew the number. 704... "Don't call England. Don't. Please, Canada.."  
7-9-5...6...  
"England...England...get over here...quick...-"  
No. I whipped out my gun.  
_Ah,your actually going to shoot? That's new._  
I shot it, just grazing Canada's hand. It was enough to drop the phone out of his hand. There were tears at his eyes. he ran.  
"Canada, wait!" I started running after him.  
_You call this capturing Canada? God, where went the America i thought I knew? Or are you just a softie when it comes to family?_  
"Not the time, voice."  
_You know what, screw it, I'm coming in._  
"Wait,what?"  
Ow! A flash of pain seared through my body. I fell to the ground. What the hell is voice-

Voice POV

I steadied myself. I did it.

_Did what?_

YES! This is a day I will forever remember. Anyways, back to the pipsqueak.

_You mean Canada?_

Yeah.

_And why are you-_

Anyways, I ran after him, much faster than a certain someone.

_What the hell? Why can't I move?_

You'll get used to it. I was gaining on him. He dashed into a room. He had hidden.  
"Ca~na~da...where are you?" I purred.  
_God, stop that. You're so annoying._  
Now do you see what I deal with EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY?  
_You have my sympathy. Except I still have no damn clue what just-_  
I heard a crash coming from the closet. they always hide in the closet. Typical.  
_You know that how?_  
I just do. Now shut up so we can get to the good part of this thing.  
_But-_  
ANYWAYS, I picked up some rope that just so happened to be on the ground-  
_Dammit, could you at least tell me what's going on?_  
-no, I can't. Figure it out on your own.  
_Voi-_  
One more word and I'll murder the blasted Canadian.

**Didn't see that coming, huh? Transitioning from America to Voice was part of the reason it took me forever to update.  
**

**America is such a wuss. (Lapushka-not you! The other America! 3) **

**Kazahkstan- Russia left it with a lot of eviromental issues, because they used it as a nuclear testing ground. America kinda-sorta (I can't remember how much anymore) helped her get back on her feet. Now, her relationship with Russia is better, but she still prefers working with America. Did i mention her earlier? IDK. Anyways, i honestly think she's a girl. Like, in geography, first talked about Kazahkstan, BAM! Girl. She's going to be talked about a lot, mainly because I have this newfound obsession with her.  
**

**Oh, have you guys noticed I say 'Meh' a lot? Its my universal response to anything. Sorry, its a bad habit of mine, so every now and then I'll let it slip in the story. ()**

**BTW, TAKE MY NEW POLL. PLEASE. not like it has anything to do with the story, but...  
**


End file.
